Stick it in your ear

“Stick the landing.”  That’s the mantra of any gymnastics event.  If that’s the case, why is it that the best gymnasts in the world seem to ’stick’ the landing about 1 in every 100 performances?

I realize it’s much harder than it looks; but c’mon.  These people practice 8 hours a day for 4 years, then when it’s crunch time, they look like John Cleese in his ministry of silly walks skit.  If I were to do a double somersault with a full twist off the high bar, I’d expect to fall on my ass or at least take about 5 steps to stop my momentum.  These people are some of the most talented and highly trained gymnasts in the world; I’d expect to see them ’stick’ a landing a little more often than we’ve seen in the olympics.

I respect gymnasts for their amazing talent; but, I detest the subjectivity of the scoring, as again demonstrated in some of the controversy during this current competition.  They should come up with a way to make some of these events more objective; like adding time or distance elements.  For instance: how many times can a guy swing around the high bar before he lets go or vomits, now that’s an objective measurement.

Evidently, this bear did not see the video

Florida Man’s Shoe Found in Stomach of Slain Black Bear

KNOXVILLE, Tenn. —  Authorities cut open a slain bear and found a shoe lost by a Florida man while fighting off a bear that attacked his 8-year-old son in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park.

The footwear was discovered in the black bear’s stomach during a necropsy at the University of Tennessee Veterinary Medical Center, Smokies spokeswoman Nancy Gray said Monday.

Before entering the Boundary Waters, you need to stop at the ranger station to get your permit, and you also need to view a video on the rules.  They ask you questions so that you fully realize what’s expected of you as campers.  One part of the video talks about what to do if you encounter a bear.

In the video they show a black bear walking in to a camp site; whereupon the campers sitting there get up and start waving their arms and yelling, which makes him hightail it out of there.  According to the video, the black bears are more afraid of you then you are of them.  

The problem is, not all bears are paid actors like the one in the video.  So, the next time I go up there, I’m arming myself like the Israeli’s—no, not with an uzi—with skunk gas:

Israeli Police Unleash Putrid ‘Skunk’ Gas on Protesters

The noxious mist, which Israeli police refer to as “skunk,” was used for the first time earlier this month, when a truck-mounted cannon sprayed it over the heads of protesters, sending them racing down the hillside, retching and tearing off their shirts to try to escape the stench.

I wonder if the St. Paul Police Department has placed an order to have some of this on hand during the RNC.  They should get it, they’ll need to be ready for when these liberal protest groups who espouse peace on the planet start rioting, burning and looting to make their point; just like they’ve done countless times before.

Alright, one more post and I’m done with the trip pictures.

The island is calling!!!  Here it is—the newly formed nation of Kingdavid’s Island.  I still need to finish the underground bunker in the event there’s ever a bear invasion.

I had some of my finest moments sitting on this island.  I watched a bald eagle soaring, then land in a tree directly across the lake; whereupon I proceeded to spend 3 straight hours waiting to watch him take off again, binoculars and camera ready, only to miss it when I turned my head to talk to MM about something.  It was here as well, about 2:00 am one night, when everyone else was sleeping, that I heard a choral performance by a pack of wolves in the distance.  It was a sound I’ll never forget.

Since I was unable to get any type of fishing industry going in my new country, I turned my attention to starting a whittling industry.  First project was a back scratcher, from a little stick that was bowed perfectly.  I then turned my attention to de-barking this big stick, which I pulled out of a stream right next to a beaver lodge. 

The tip still shows the beaver teeth marks.

And last, but certainly not least, here’s a shot of our wonderful guides.  Tim and Donna Erickson.  Tim is going to be starting a blog soon, Grandpa Tim’s Corner.  They’re both people with a strong faith, who love the outdoors and soaking up all of God’s creation.  After hearing about some of Tim’s adventures, we decided that before the foundation of the world, God decided that Tim would marry a nurse, and he did.  I think we could go watch a paint drying competition with these two and we would have an experience to remember.  Thank you both for letting us share in your love of the woods and canoeing.

I’d take her out into the wilderness anytime.

She can be my Ma Ingalls any time we adventure out.  (Little House on the Prairie for those of you scratching your heads)  Mocha-momma, though not outdoorsy by nature, makes up for it with an amazing attitude and love for creating experiences for our children and family as a whole.

Rock-hopping on the Tamarack River.  Just getting down to this river from our friend’s cabin was an adventure.  There was a trail, a very narrow trail, that wound down at about 75 degree angle; it was muddy and wet the whole way down.

We discovered our friend Tim has a neat hobby—photographing lighthouses—and he’s actually won a few awards.  That gives me an idea for a neat hobby—photographing MM at all the wayside rest latrines that we need to hit when we’re on long road trips.

Somehow I can just hear Ma Ingalls—Charles, pull the wagon over next to that big rock, I have to go to the bathroom again.

Weak bladder aside; this is MM at her adventurous best.  She was like a little kid going down to the tree on Christmas morning.  She ate up the whole experience, and it was a joy being with her.  She’s camped before; but mostly that was in an RV with her parents, and a few times that we’ve gone to heavily populated and safe campgrounds; this was a whole new level.

Now for something completely different……

Quick break from the trip pictures.  How about a movie review.   We decided to decompress from our adventure and go see an adventure movie.

We had mixed reviews on this one.

The kids said it was okay; which basically means it was better than staying at home and cleaning their rooms.

MM actually liked it; but, she was able to just accept it for the campy, make-a-buck off a classic idea flick that it was.

I think if you haven’t seen it, or planning on seeing it, or planning on renting it—just wait until it comes out on TBS and they play it 4 times over a weekend.  I like Brendon Fraser; but I think George of the Jungle was a much deeper and more stimulating movie experience than this stinker.

They were born 150 years too late

The kids both took to the camping experience like a fish takes to water.

JR decided he was going to climb this rock the minute we canoed past it.  They went back later, and he helped Hannah get up as well.  Another accomplishment he had was swimming out to an island in the middle of the lake.  (mom kayaked along as a spotter)

We were out exploring the next lake over one day; and suddenly we heard a scream from MM and Hannah’s canoe.  JR and I zipped around thinking there was trouble; nope, only Hannah pulling in a smallmouth bass.

We still need to teach her how to get them off the hook; but, small price to pay for having a daughter who loves to fish and go camping.

JR didn’t do much fishing; unless you count fishing for chipmunk with a marshmallow.  The little guy just wouldn’t take the bait though. You can’t make him out on the log, but the wily, little rodent was there.

JR was heavily into catching crayfish; both at the river next to our friend’s cabin, and up at the lake.

One of Hannah’s favorite past times was just getting in the kayak and zipping around the bay, or floating out there and reading a book.

The kids were troopers.  They were fantastic traveling companions, and they soaked up the experience just as much as the rest of us.  That, and they got along like they actually liked each other for 5 straight days; I think an olympic record was set.

Kids ask the darndest things.

See the previous post regarding our trip; but Tim, our good friend and guide, related this story to us on the first day of the trip, and I couldn’t wait to share it.

There once was a young Indian boy who one day asked his father how he came up with names for him and his brothers.

“Well my son,” he replied, “on the day the eldest was born, I opened the flap to our tepee and saw a young buck leaping through the forest, so I named him Leaping Buck.”

“When your other brother was born, and I opened the flap to our tepee, I saw an eagle soaring high overhead, so I named him Soaring Eagle; but, tell me, why do ask this question of me Pooping Dog.”

Weeeeeeeeeeee’re Back

I wish I was as eloquent, and as fine a wordsmith as NightWriter, so that I could adequately describe the amazing experience we just had in the MN Boundary Waters Canoe Area.  I will either add a page with more pictures, and add some highlights; or, I might just do a post a day for a few days and show some highlights.  

I will say that our trepidation and anxiety about camping in a wilderness setting was totally baseless; and that was due in large part to our wonderful, veteran camper, friends; who made our first experience up there one that only wetted our appetite to go again.

Here is the before picture; just before heading out.

This was us after 5 days without a shower.  One day at our friend’s primitive cabin near Danbury WI, and 4 in the BWCA.   Be thankful this is not a scratch n sniff.

This was our home for 4 days.  There were about 8 sites that you could camp at on Kawishiwi Lake, and luckily this one was open when we canoed by.  It’s first come/first serve.

This was the view one evening off our front porch.  That’s me, I’m actually standing off the mainland on the newly created sovereign country of Kingdavid’s Island.  (more about that later)  I am fishing, and that was one of the amazing things about this lake—there was not one fish in it.  If there was, I’m sure I would have caught it, rather than just throwing in my line about 500 times and looking like a guy standing on the shore like an idiot.  (thank you Stephen Wright)

You’ve heard of the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  How’s this for a pot at the end of our campsite trail.   You’ve heard the phrase: “Doe’s Mocha-momma poop in the woods?”  The answer is yes.

And finally, for now, to all you skeptics out there who mocked me about the possibility of bears.  Here’s proof, in living color.  This beast actually walked in to our campsite and was brazen enough to amble right to our food near the fire pit.  Of course you have to realize that the image in the picture looks much smaller than he really was.  It was a monster; with big, razor sharp teeth.  I was able to fight him off by whipping a marshmallow at him, the wimp.

We’re off to cavort with our forest friends….Be Back Next Sunday

In your face Frenchie

I don’t often get excited to the point of shouting at the television during a sporting event, other than an occasional ‘the Vikings Suck’ scream; but both MM and I whooped it up last night.  It was probably one of the most exciting sports moments I’ve ever witnessed.

The U.S. Mens 4×100 Freestyle team edged out the heavily favored French; this coming after one of the Frenchies had stated publicly that they were going to trash the Americans, and that that was the reason they were there.  Well kiss these 4 American behinds, right after you eat your words.

We’ve been enjoying small bits of the games over the last few days; however, there is one thing that has been extremely painful to watch, and I’ve turned the channel when it occurs, and that is:  watching Andrea Kramer interview a swimmer after a race.  She has got to be the worst interviewer in the history of olympic coverage, which I guess could be considered quite an accomplishment for a sports reporter.  She is awful.  

I understand the kayaking and whitewater events are taking place over the next few days; unfortunately, we won’t be able to see them, because we’ll be doing our own kayaking.  This will be the last post until possibly next Sunday.  We will be here:

The red star is Tofte MN,  entry point #37 into the Boundary Waters Canoe Area.  We’ll check in there at the ranger station, then head up about 30-40 miles NW to enter at Kawishiwi Lake.  We hopefully will find a campsite on this lake, but sites are limited and we might have to do some portaging.  Either way, we plan to hit some of the other lakes in the area:  Baskatong and Kawasaschong Lakes, and in between there’s another lake that evidently got named when the explorer who discovered it sobered up—Square Lake.

So keep us in your prayers throughout the week.  Hopefully we’ll be able to come back with some amazing photographs of the trip; especially any adventures we have with bears.  I’m sure it will look like this:

A Pulitzer Prize winner no doubt.

You all know how much I like to find photographs to put in my posts.  I scan a number of different sites throughout the week, and I’m always amazed at some of the pictures they presumably must have paid good  money to get and post.  Take this for instance.   I wonder how much this photographer made for snapping a picture of these two guys and their footwear.  I can’t imagine wearing shoes like this with bermuda shorts, so I assume they’re wearing kilts.  I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing something like this out in public; although, they might go well with more formal wear; maybe I’ll get a pair and wear them to Ben and Mall Diva’s wedding.

P.S.  one of my biggest peeves–people who wear dark socks when they’re bare legged.  Guys who wear shorts and sneakers, but have black socks with it—no.  If I ever get dementia, you might find me doing it; but as long as I’m in my right mind, white socks are the only option.  No offense if you do it—it looks good on you though.

I wonder if anyone will pick Joe Namath

I just got asked to join a fantasy football league with a bunch of guys from work.  I’ve never participated in one before.  I guess we’re going to get set up through ESPN.

I really, really like football.  I wouldn’t go so far as to say I love it.  I played it in high school—starting QB, captain of the team my senior year.  Yes, I was the big jock on campus back in the day–also captain of the hockey team and starting catcher in baseball; athlete of the year my senior year.  Football is about the only sport nowadays that I can just sit down and watch, doesn’t matter who’s playing; but, if there’s something else going on, I don’t mind not watching it either.  

The thing is, I watch football; I don’t follow football.  I know some of the key players out there today; but when it comes time to pick my team, I probably won’t have much of a clue as to who might be able to put up the big numbers.  If anybody has suggestions about some receivers and backs out there who I might want to grab, let me know; because to be honest, I’m not going to waste time researching something that’s silly in the grand scheme of things; not when there’s a battle being waged called the AKJ.  Now that’s important, as well as nonsensical.

You’ve all remembered the Greatest….Now meet “The Weirdest Generation

The Apple of my eye….

I was having some trouble with this new Ipod Touch that we got when we received our new Imac computer.  So, off to the Apple Store at the local mall.  Badda bing, badda boom.  Problem solved.

We’ve been in an Apple Store a couple of times, and each time it appears that they operate in what appears to be an oxymoron— organized chaos.  I have to admit though, the guys back at their tech support desk were fantastic.  No questions asked about what did you do to it.  Just—what’s the problem, figure out the solution, fix the problem, hand it back to you, all the while being polite, informative, and customer service oriented to the extreme.  

I hope I don’t have to visit them often; but if this is the way they always handle problems and treat their customers, I won’t be dreading that visit if something comes up again.

With friends like these……

I think Steve, from Careful Thought, is finding way too much satisfaction in pointing out bear stories that I’ve missed.  Here’s another one.  We’re getting close.  We leave next Tuesday for what will probably be the most adventurous camping trip that I’ve ever been on; second only to the experience of survival training up in the Rockies when I was at the Air Force Academy.

 

Eagle River man fights attacking bear to draw

CUTS AND BRUISES: He battled bruin to a ‘tie’ after pitch-black 2 a.m. attack near Meadow Creek.

Devon Rees could have played dead. Or run. Instead, he chose to fight the bear that lunged out of the woods near his home in Eagle River on Monday morning.

I don’t plan on battling to a draw.  It’ll be a cage match if I get attacked, last one standing wins.  I hope it’s a male if one does attack.  I’d be counting on him not wearing a NuttyBuddy, if you know what I mean.  Of course, with my luck it’ll probably have been ‘tutored’ by some research group.

Speaking of bears.  One of my all time favorite Far Side cartoons.

                                                ”Late again!….This better be good!”

Crunch time:

The PGA Championship is this week.  The last of the majors, and my last opportunity to leapfrog the 5 guys ahead of me.  Everyone be pulling for my DaMOB team members:

Phil Mickelson, Angel Cabrera, Brandt Snedeker, Davis Love III.

I know, but I’ve seen Davis up there in a few tourney’s, and he could be my wild card that pulls in some big dough from that 4th group I had to choose from.  I’m sure some of the guys in front will also have picked Mickelson, so it’s going to be Snedeker and Love who can win it for me.

I could use some help.  During the course of the tourney, just visualize 5 guys, representing the competition ahead of me, and send out the vibes—Nnnnnnnnoonan, Nnnnnnnnnnnnnoonan.

That just might take me over the top.

One of the greatest separated at births of all time….

From the genius of Nightwriter.  Many of you have probably seen it already; if not, check it out.

What an entertaining news day. It’s always nice to see such uplifting stories

• Groom in Antigua Honeymoon Attack Dies
• Dismembered Teenager’s Leg Found in Brazil
• Police Tape: Canada Bus Killer Ate Victim’s Flesh
• Man Beheads Girlfriend in Greece, Flees in Patrol Car
• Cops: Boy, 12, Shot and Killed Mom After Argument
• Man Calls 911 to Complain About Sandwich Sauce
• 3 Kids Missing After Plane Crashes Into Home
• Firebombs Nearly Kill California Animal Researchers 
• Calif. Girl, 17, Dies From Fungus Spores Found in Soil

That just totally disgusts me; how can someone be so psychotic and do so something that insane: calling 911 about a sandwich sauce, that’s just plain nuts.  

Where are the truly important stories: like what kind of underwear was Britney Spears wearing today, if any; has Angelina lost all the body fat from her pregnancy yet, and lets see the pics of the babies; did the 44 pound cat from Jersey get adopted yet.   That’s the kind of stuff the public wants to hear.

The Far Wright World of Sports

I know exactly what you’re thinking on this first picture.  Go ahead, say it.  You know exactly what every regular to this blog is going to be thinking, so let it out.

I HOPE THIS GUY WAS WEARING HIS NUTTYBUDDY!

I don’t think this should be considered sport; it properly falls under dancing with stars events.  I think this is going to be Tiger Lilley’s first dance at the wedding reception—the macho guy on the left that is.

 

I’ll put it right out there, soccer players are pansies.  Put these guys on a rugby pitch with some real hitters and they’d be mowed down like a group of kindergartners standing in the way of Rosie O’Donnell and a buffet.

Good rule of thumb, don’t ever piss off your mixed doubles partner; especially when he’s the invisible man.  You need to protect your behind.

I’d give this guy a 2.8—-bent toes.  Isn’t that the number one rule of diving, and gymnastics:  keep your toes pointed.  I think you automatically earn a 9.5 in anything if you point your toes.

Is it just me, or does the perspective of the size of the kayak and their behinds seem out of whack?  Looks like they’ll need the jaws of life to get out of the boat.

Weekend Update; but not with Jane Curtain

It certainly had an interesting start—searching for our lost dog Saturday morning.  She seemed to have survived her ordeal without any long term psychological affects.

JR returned home from a full week at Boy Scout camp.  They were up at Many Point, which is evidently the premier BSA camp in MN.  He was extremely keyed to go there, and wasn’t disappointed.  They did have a minor incident during some inclement weather where a tree fell right in the middle of their camp—but no injuries, other than damage to some chairs and other equipment.  The highlight—he completed his life-saving requirement in swimming.  He did a 1-mile swim and finished 2nd out of everyone who did it, the first guy across was an adult.  He did come back with a sprained foot and he popped his knee out again; but small price to pay for the adventure.

We put together JR’s new sky bunk that we got at IKEA.  There, did you feel the tremor, that was me shuddering at the reference to IKEA.  I really hate going to that store; but, I have to admit, this bunk, and Hannah’s new day bed that we put up last week, were pretty easy to construct, and everything actually fit together.

We had one of those it’s a small world moments yesterday at church.  There was a new guy who is interviewing for the position of worship leader, and he came to play with the band.  After the service, his wife came walking up to MM and I, and I immediately recognized her.  She’s the daughter of my high school sweetheart, who I have been friends with now for over 30 years.  We don’t see each other a whole lot; but MM and I were at this girl’s graduation party when our kids were in diapers. 

I watched Blazing Saddles last night, and mainly just to see one of the funniest scenes in cinematic history.  No, I’m not talking about the campfire farting scene.  I’m talking about when Mongo rides into town, and punches out the horse in front of the saloon.  That’s one of my all-time favorites. 

Hard to believe it’s August already.  Two thirds of summer vacation is gone, and MM is taking the kids out today to go buy school supplies and clothes.  These next few weeks are going to be busy.  We have our town festival, River Days, coming up next week, then camping, then company picnic at Valley Fair.  Lot’s of stories from the homefront; but I won’t be neglecting the nonsense of the world.

A parent’s worst nightmare (next to them growing up to be a liberal)

We lost our Dixie for about 2 hours this morning.  We usually hook her up when we let her out to do her duty; but, if we don’t, she usually just comes to the door and yips until we let her in.  Well, MM got a little distracted, and forgot Dixie was outside, but this time she wandered off.  We eventually found her in the next big sub-division over.  None the worse for wear.  The whole episode gave MM a good scare; but all’s well.  Hopefully this young lady learned a lesson.

 

I missed my own anniversary

I just thought it about it today.  Mid-July, I’m thinking it was the 16th, was my 2-year anniversary of blogging, and I’m still loving it.  Most importantly, I’m thankful for the good friends that Mocha-momma and I have made along the way.

I’m gonna hopefully keep going until either squirrels go extinct, or I go on a cruise.  If you’re a betting person, I’d take the odds on the squirrel extinction happening first.

The master of understatement

It’s been a long time since I’ve posted on a jihadist elephant attack.  I’ve been seeing so many AKJ stories lately that I’m about ready to start another chart going on the side.

Israeli Teen Attacked by Elephant After Sneaking Into Zoo

JERUSALEM —  Israeli officials say a 17-year-old girl who sneaked into a zoo near Tel Aviv with a friend was attacked by an elephant and hospitalized.

Hertzenstein said “the elephant, which is a giant animal, hurt her.”

This comes as a complete shock to me.  I thought they were like the size of squirrels.  I’m picturing an elephant wearing a yarmulke and dancing the hora; it probably just accidently crushed this nitwit who thought it was a bright idea to sneak into an elephant pen.

I’m off to Cabelas

Now this is what I’m talking about.  This is just the kind of bear repellant I’m looking for.  They must have these in stock at Cabelas.  MM will have to carry all the packs and the canoe, I’ll provide security.  Either this, or I need to get one of those guns that Jesse Ventura carried in Predator.

I’m going to stick to my core principles.

As the home of no election coverage, I can’t get involved; but would somebody please post on the Minnesota senate campaign.  I saw Al Franken’s recent foray into the democratic party’s default campaign issue: trying to scare the bejeebees out of senior citizens about prescription drugs.  Every democratic candidate for the last 20 years brings this up as a major campaign issue; and not one of them who has been elected has been able to do anything about it.  Get rid of that broken record.  Al, your not going to do anything to stand good on all these promises you’re making; just like Amy Klobuchar, Mark Dayton, Paul Wellstone, yada-yada-yada.

Now, back to the important news events of the day.  Another horrible AKJ attack:

Alligator Bites Off Arm of 11-Year-Old Louisiana Boy

SLIDELL, La. —  Doctors were unable to reattach an 11-year-old Louisiana boy’s arm that was retrieved from the belly of the alligator, a family friend said Thursday.

I pray this young man and his family stay strong though his recovery.  I hate these kind of stories, because I always ponder on what if it had been JR or Hannah. 

On the lighter side:

Shaken Berry-Pickers Report Sasquatch Sighting in Ontario, Canada, Woods

A mother and daughter on a berry-picking excursion in northwestern Ontario, Canada, claim the giant, black, hulking figure they saw last week might be the legendary sasquatch, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation reported Monday.

Mocha-momma and Hannah just went out and picked raspberries the other day.  Not that I’m going to lose sleep thinking about it; but this is just the scenario I can envision—(kind of like the cruise ship scenarios I envision)

Sasquatch travels down into Minnesota from Ontario, attacks me while we’re camping in the boundary waters as he tries to steal all the walleyes I’m carrying on the stringer, bites my arm off, the DNR is able to finally capture a bigfoot and retrieve my arm from his belly, which he swallowed whole; but, they’re unable to attach it and I become a one-armed blogger for the rest of my life. 

Think this is a bunch of nonsense.  Good, I’m fulfilling my mission.